Work in Progress: Boys on the Subway (revised)

10 Oct

It’s the fall again, or at least it will be if this damn weather stops pretending to be summer. It’s my favorite season. Something about back to school and the cooler weather, the leaves changing and the sky darkening earlier and earlier. The air smells of sharpened pencils and wool sweaters (I think I may have stolen this from You’ve Got Mail, which is one of those ridiculous movies that I can’t NOT watch when it’s on TV. I know. You’re thinking, “Meg Ryan? Tom Hanks? Sheesh.” But if you haven’t watched it, do so. You will thank me. Or we’ll discover that we might not become such great friends).

The wedding is finally behind us (or at least it will be after this weekend’s final celebratory dinner with CityBoy’s East Coast family), and we can both breathe a long sigh of relief. We made it. We’re still talking. We still like each other.

Which means that life can get back on track and we can refocus on the things that we love and make us feel human. For me, this means writing again.

CityBoy’s brother gave a beautiful reading at our ceremony, which of course I loved since he purloined some things from my blog as a jumping point to talk about marriage and relationships. I was compelled to admit that I have shamefully ignored this blog and done very little writing this year. Jobs, and proposals, and travel, got in the way.

So I’m recommitting (again). It’s time to get my ass back in the chair and do what I love best: form words into sentences into stories…”the best words, in the best order.”

My writing friends have been instrumental to the “best order” part. It’s amazing what another set of eyes, eyes you value and admire, can do for your own work. I found the idea of starting with a fresh, blank page a little daunting this morning, so I pulled a new poem out of my waiting-to-be-revised batch and I’m quite pleased with the result. You’ll have to let me know what you think.

*poof*

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4 Responses to “Work in Progress: Boys on the Subway (revised)”

  1. Smart Guy October 11, 2011 at 12:02 am #

    Hi, I like your poem. Much different from a DC metro ride:

    The balding man with round glasses eyes
    His spreadsheet, quickly checks his cell phone
    No reception

    (I tried)

    • jhointhecity October 14, 2011 at 9:32 pm #

      Thanks for commenting! I appreciate it!

  2. Mark Olague October 12, 2011 at 4:15 pm #

    I think this one is pretty perfect. I love the “dim corner” line at the end the best.

    • jhointhecity October 14, 2011 at 9:31 pm #

      Thanks Mark! Workshopping it with my Long Beac peeps really helped. I was able to cut out the clunky (and confusing) original opening lines and just focus on the boys.

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